![]() In BDSM, this stage is known as negotiations-talking about what each person wants and doesn’t want, so everyone is in agreement on those initial boundaries. ![]() Once you and your partner(s) are on the same page, it’s time to get detailed about what you’re actually going to try, says Brame. While you can get curious about where their disinterest is coming from by asking a question like, “I respect your no, but I’d love to better understand if there is anything in particular keeping you from exploring this with me,” you cannot-under any circumstances-pressure them. If your partner isn’t interested in exploring bondage with you, remember: That’s their prerogative. So after stating your interest, spend some time researching bondage together, so you can tailor the details of your sexperimentation to your mutual desires, Brame suggests. If they haven’t explored this type of play in the past, they might have some questions. Simply start off by telling your partner you think bondage is interesting and that you’d be curious to try it with them specifically, says Brame. When approaching your partner about trying out bondage, you don’t need to be coy or apologetic about it. ![]() Instead, you need to talk about it with them ahead of time-ideally, outside of the bedroom-so you can negotiate boundaries, interests, and more. Hate to state the obvious, but it’s not kosher to whip out some rope mid-way through romping and expect your partner(s) to be game. Chase also recommends getting familiar with what positions you might want to try out (ahem, more on that later) and how to execute them properly by turning to online videos and websites. You can also read up on the topic by consuming texts like The New Topping Book and Midori’s The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. This article is a great first step! But, you’d be wise to sign up for a bondage workshop at your local sex shop, or through an online sex and/or kink educator. Basically, any form of sexy time play that involves restraint falls under this category.īeyond just learning what qualifies as bondage sex, it's also necessary to research how to explore this type of play safely. There is a common misconception that all bondage sex incorporates rope but actually, that isn’t the case! “Rope play is just one subcategory in the wide and wild world of bondage,” says Midori, a sexologist, educator, renowned kink expert and author of Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage and Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink.īondage can also include things like leather, skin-safe tape, handcuffs, ties, under-the-bed restraints, silk sashes, and so much more, says New York-based psychotherapist Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT. ![]() “They have no choice but to submit to the wonderful sensations they can experience in a bottom role.” How do I practice bondage safely? 1. “The beautiful paradox of bondage is that many people feel sexually freer when they are tied up,” says Gloria Brame, PhD, a certified sexologist and BDSM expert based in Athens, Georgia. Apart from the bonding aspect, some people just simply like to be tied up because it turns them on. “Incorporating consensual bondage into sex play builds and fortifies essential trust between partners,” she explains, as it “requires that communication be deft and clear.” For this reason, bondage play is recommended for partners looking to improve their communication. The ‘B’ in BDSM, bondage is a way for people to explore giving up or taking power, add an element of ~spice~ to their sex lives, and introduce a new flavor of intimacy into their interpersonal relationships, says Elle Chase, CSE, ACS, a certified sex educator and author of Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions To Empower Your Sex Life. ICYDK, bondage is a form of intimate and/or sexual play that involves consensually restraining or tying up someone for the sake of pleasure. Have you ever had a partner hold your hands above your head? How about use their belt to secure your ankles or wrists? Or, what about been tied to a chair with a scarf? If you’ve done any of the above, you have unknowingly dipped a toe (or two) into the wonderful world of bondage.
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